


Cynophobia

by orphan_account



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), ...no, Attempt at Humor, F/M, Its got some bigger problems, Izaya is afraid of dogs, M/M, Valentine's Day, and OH MY GOODNESS, and lets be real, but if imma be honest will it really happen?, considering that it hasnt even been like a year and i cant even bring myself to look at it, i honestly have no idea what wrote, i should probably fix that looking back, no it won't, run-on sentences much?, there's a lot of screaming?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-06
Updated: 2016-03-06
Packaged: 2018-05-25 01:52:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6175696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shizuo goes to Shinra to get advice on what he should get Izaya for Valentine's Day and it all goes downhill from there</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cynophobia

**Author's Note:**

  * For [flyingisland](https://archiveofourown.org/users/flyingisland/gifts).



> thanks mothandbone@tumblr for the prompt!

It was nearing Valentines Day in fact, it was just a day a- uh, wait oh shit it’s today fuck, better hurry.  
Shizuo hastily made his way to Shinra and Celty’s apartment after work as a last resort to ask Shinra what he should get Izaya for the upcoming holiday. Of Course he had asked Izaya over and over what he wanted, but every time he only got as far as,

“Uh, Izaya is there anything you’ve been wanting? n-no reason… or anything like tha-”

“I’ve _**told**_ you Shizu-chan, I really don’t need anything”

“Well sure, you say that but _really_ , won’t you be disappointed if you don’t get anything while everyone else does?”

“Nope! Anyways, Shizu-chan aren’t you going to be late for work?”

“Oh, shit. Yeah thanks, bye”

Or something like that, he always seemed to have an excuse, and all shizuo knew was that he wasn’t really all that big on chocolate, and getting him ootoro didn’t seem like enough since he already seemed to always be eating **_that_**. then there was just forgetting it and not getting him anything, but that was obviously _not even an option_ , because Shizuo would feel too guilty not returning the favor of an extra sweet cheese cake and pudding with a complementary side of milk, that was made especially for him for his birthday just last month, by an oh-so-special someone.

And all of these events being what lead to now, Shizuo knocking on his “friend's” door, as a last resort to find out just what the _hell_ Izaya could want.

After a few seconds the sound of slippers shuffling on the wooden floor drew near, and an overly enthusiastic underground doctor flung open the door and boldly presented himself to Cel-

“Oh, Shizuo it’s you”

Shinra quickly retreated back into his apartment, expecting an early Celty, instead of an unexpected and slightly irritated blond, debt collector’s bodyguard.

“Sorry Shizuo-kun, I thought you were Celty, what can I do for you? ...You don’t look hurt, is it not visible, did you actually manage to break a bone?”

Shinra ushered him inside and inspected him further expecting to see some sort of hidden injury, since that seemed to be the only reason he ever visited.

“No, i’m fine.”

Shizuo said flatly as he sat down while Shinra quickly followed, sitting across from him.

“...Oh, then… what do you need?”

Shinra asked hesitantly expecting an answer like

“I killed someone”

or... wait his face looked a little red, sure they’ve been together / on cease fire for a while now (Shinra still kinda had his doubts) but are they really gonna do it? AND DOES SHIZUO HONESTLY EXPECT ME TO GIVE HIM THE TALK?!?!

“Uh, well you see um, well Valentine's Day is today and Izaya won’t tell me what he wants and i was wondering if you had any ideas of what he uh… might want?”

“Oh yeah, of course that’s not what it’s about” Shinra thought while giving a sigh of relief. And began to focus on the question at hand.

“Hmm, something Izaya would _want_.”

then it hit him, _yes, yes_ he knew the answer that question, he knew exactly what Izaya would want, or at least what Shinra wanted Shizuo to think Izaya would want. _Really_ , it was the perfect opportunity to get a little payback on the two of them for all the years of stitching up wound, and mending broken bones instead of having a normal, carefree childhood full of _normal_ friends that wouldn’t have worried his dear Celty.

“YES! YES! I KNOW WHAT HE’D WANT, WAIT HERE!

He yelled and he practically sprinted out of the room, making Shizuo jump at the sudden burst of excitement.

Shinra trotted back into the room carrying an unidentified fluffy object yes, it was a UFO.

“Here! Here! Look!” Shinra said as he held it out towards Shizuo.

“A couple days ago when Celty was coming home from a job, she found it abandoned on the street and being the sweet little angel that she is, she brought it back home with her and gave it a place to stay. Isn’t she just amazing, taking in a little starving, wet, and dirty puppy and giving it a place to stay. She even cleaned it up and made it look all cute, of course not as cute as her, Celty’s my little adorable bunny and nothing can be cuter tha-”

Shinra noticed the increasing look of annoyance he was getting from Shizuo and decided to, as Shizuo would say,

“GET TO THE DAMN POINT!”

“Ah, but really the only problem is that it’s so damn _fluffy_ that it can’t really walk right and I can’t figure out if it’s a boy or girl so I have to call it, well, ‘it’!”

“Ah, so Izaya likes dogs?...And uh, are you sure that’s even a dog?”

“YES! YES! and since me and Celty have been looking for someone to take care of it, _and_ since Izaya just _**ADORES**_ dogs, I will give it to you so you can give him a gift that he will love so much, he will probably do anything you ask, you know like maybe spicing up you’re not yet existent sex life with dairy products or ma-”

“SH-SHUT UP!!!”, said a very red faced Shizuo.

“Ah sorry” Shinra replied whilst scratching the back of his neck.

“It’s just that a couple days ago as an early present I got Celty a new PDA, and she let me ti-”

“SHUT THE HELL UP, I DON’T WANNA KNOW ABOUT THAT!!!”

Shizuo’s face was now inseparable to a tomato, and he had just about had enough of the doctor, and was contemplating just leaving empty handed.

“ _Hm! Fine....._  uh, well here”, Shinra said as he placed the what looked like a cotton ball that grew a face into Shizuo’s arms, and added a bag of food to his hands.

“So, you know how to take care of a dog right? Make sure it always has food and water, take it outside to go to the bathroom… oh and you should probably give it a name too.”

“Mmn, I know. Thanks for the help, bye.”

As Shizuo exited the apartment he couldn't help imagining the look on Izaya’s face when he would see his gift, Shinra seemed so energetic about it so I guess he really must love dogs, although he really _did_ seem more like a cat person. With each step he took towards their home, he became increasingly excited for Izaya’s reaction.

 _Their_ home used to just be _Shizuo’s_ home, so of course it was just about the exact opposite of big as he literally had enough debt from property damages to last him his whole life twice over, and then some. But, despite this it’s a warm and comfortable place to live in, I mean they _do_ live there. It consists of three rooms, one being the kitchen that’s in front of the entrance, which is more or less big enough for two people (just as long as they didn’t plan on moving a lot). When you leave the kitchen you’re already in the bedroom and living room which was basically the average size of just one of either rooms. In the middle of the room there’s a kotatsu that sits in front of a window, with a small bookshelf in front of it that’s next to the bathroom door, and a bed right behind it that’s pushed in the corner of the room.

Shizuo quickly ascended the stairs to his two story apartment building, he had spent more time at Shinra’s than he wanted to and it was already dark. When he got to the third door down he moved the puppy and its food to one arm and began to fish around in his pockets for his keys. He unlocked the door, stepped in, and threw the keys on the stand by the entrance.

“Hey Izaya, i’m home.”

“Oh, welcome back, you’re kind of late, what happened?”

He was sitting at the kotatsu reading a book, the only light in the room was the moon showing through the window illuminating Izaya’s pale skin, and silky black hair as dark as night. It formed a serene image that lasted as long as it took for Izaya to see what Shizuo was holding.

“I-Is that a d-d-dog?” Izaya asked it in a small shaking voice.

Shizuo’s face became slightly flushed and he stuttered,

“Oh!... Y-yeah… uh, happy Valentine's Day, I-uh, know you didn’t want anything, but uh, since you did so much for me on my birthday, I would have felt bad if I didn’t, and um…”

None of Shizuo’s rambling was heard by Izaya as he stared in horror at the _**DEMON SPAWN**_ **Shizuo held in his arms. He only snapped out of his fear induced coma when Shizuo started towards him with his ‘gift’, or as Izaya seen it, the Devil himself slowly closing in on his victim. Not knowing what to do he opted for pouncing onto their bed and hissing at him from the corner of it.**

Shizuo immediately stopped at the bizarre show Izaya had put on and asked,

“W-what is it?...Y-you don’t like it?”

Shizuo began to step closer to him and held up the puppy as to give him a better view. To which Izaya began screeching like a velociraptor who was forced to watch its babies get viciously murder.

_**“NO YOU DAMNED IDIOTIC MONSTER!! GET IT THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME AND SEND IT THE FUCK BACK TO HELL!!!!!”** _

“B-but look, i-it’s really cute.”

Shizuo moved one step closer and shoved the puppy out towards Izaya, presenting it to him.

_**“NO!! STOP!! GET THAT FUCKING THING AWAY FROM ME!! BASTARD, DAMN YOU TO THE EIGHTH FUCKING HELL AND BACK, I’M LEAVING YOU, PACK UP YOUR SHIT SHIZU-CHAN, GET THE HELL OUT AND TAKE THAT FUCKING DEMON SPAWN WITH YOU!!!!!!!!”** _

“ _ **Ok, Ok**_ ** _._** _Shit_ , _ **calm down,**_ UH… _ **”**_

Shizuo hastily set the puppy down in front of Izaya and hurried out of the apartment.

Izaya and the dog locked eyes, and he began shrieking in pure terror at the small, big eyed, confused, fluff ball staring straight into his soul, like the savage he… really just wasn’t, I mean he was just wagging his tail wondering why there wasn’t food available for him to shovel down his throat.

Outside the apartment, Shizuo took out his phone and called Shinra, plugging one of his ears to tune out the inaudible shrieks coming from his apartment.

Shinra answered his phone to muffled horrified screaming and a loud angry voice saying,

_**“SHINRA!”** _

Shinra answered in a shaky voice holding back tears and laughter in hopes of Shizuo taking even the littlest amount of mercy on him when they next meet.

「“Oh...h-hey...Shizuo, uh d-did Izaya like his gift?”」

_**“LIKE HELL!!! WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU MAKE ME DO!!! LISTEN!! HE FUCKING SOUNDS LIKE HE’S BEING FUCKING MURDERED!!!”** _

Shinra could no longer hold back his laughter and lost all conscience in a fit of giggles.

「” _ **AH HA HA HA *HIC* HA HA *HIC***_ ”」

**_“YOU BETTER START EXPLAINING RIGHT NOW YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!!”_ **

The only response Shinra could give to the far beyond pissed off voice and unending shrieks of terror, was maniac peals of laughter.

_**“SHINRAAA!!! YOU’RE SO FUCKING DEAD!!!”** _

Shizuo then hung up and returned to the informant that had been reduced to a screaming and sobbing ball of his former self, and grabbed the puppy off of the bed with all the carefulness he could muster and carried it out the door towards Shinra AKA the _Soon-To-Be-Dead, Piece Of Shit’s_ house only stopping to grab the dog food bag.

**-NEXT DAY-**

The infamous underground doctor Kishitani Shinra was found dead by his fiancé Celty Sturluson, with the fluff ball she called a friend eating doggie kibble over his lifeless corpse, the cause of his death was most likely the bag holding the previously mentioned dog food

 

**-That marks the last day Shizuo (or anyone for that matter) asked Kishitani Shinra for help-**

**Author's Note:**

> this is the first fic I've ever wrote (and possibly the last) so please excuse my lack of writing experience!


End file.
